school books and bullshit

So I got made fun of for getting excited about a pretty book in the school bookstore today. By a bookstore employee. How freaking ridiculous is that?! Apparently I'm capitalizing today. I'm an English major now, and English majors Capitalize. Right? no. not always. ee cummings hardly capitalized anything. neither did brandon, but he wasn't ee cummings. he was really cool, though. i miss him. i wish he hadn't disappeared. but i guess thats just what he does. oh well. i hope he doesn't reappear at any horribly inconvenient times, though. i could have loved him, even from far away. i don't think i would have minded. god. fucking... things i like go away, don't they? i'm really excited about being an english major. if i stick around i'll get to take fun classes with people i know. if i don't i'll get to take fun classes with people who i've not met yet but look very much forward to meeting. if i go. if i get in. if if if. i have to stick around for at least another semester to get my gen eds. i miss a boy. a boy who's been away longer than he's been here and with me and i feel silly missing him so badly but i don't want to stop. and if when he comes back i'll see him and i predict it will either be short and sweet or long and tragic. recently i've been leaning towards short and sweet sorts of things, but who knows? anything that lasts too long ends in tragedy anyway, right? i don't want it to end in tragedy. i want it to end in forever eternal sunlight golden braided bliss. but isn't that what everybody secretly--deep deeep down--really wants? to get to stop looking and settle in for a long and comfortable ride into the light at the end of the tunnel? you can fight it all you want, deny it to the ends of the universe and back, but thats really all you want. you know you do. you want that perfect person to look back on it all with and say 'wow that was a great time i'm glad i spent it all with you' and not 'wow what the fuck was i thinking why didn't i i should have what if i had hadn't loved hated you him her them?' fuck it. i'm tired of thinking about it now.
ee cummings
the way to hump a cow is not
to get yourself a stool
but draw a line around the spot
and call it beautifool

to multiply because and why
dividing thens by nows
and adding and(i understand)
is hows to hump a cows

the way to hump a cow is not
to elevate your tool
but drop a penny in the slot
and bellow like a bool

to lay a wreath from ancient greath
on insulated brows
(while tossing boms at uncle toms
is hows to hump a cows

the way to hump a cow is not
to push and then to pull
but practicing the art of swot
to preach the golden rull

to vote for me(all decent mem
and wonens will allows
which if they don't to hell with them)
is hows to hump a cows