manic...tuesday?

so i guess i'm in one of those freaking-the-fuck-out-for-no-reason moods tonight. i almost fell asleep on the couch watching warehouse 13. then artie blew up. maybe he still had the phoenix...

anyway. my poetry prof liked my poems. like, wrote "i wanted more" at the end of one of them. and my creative writing prof things i have "a very good beginning" to my short story. i got excited when i got the papers back. i just read them. i think they're crap.

i'm sorry, blog

i feel as though I've abandoned you! I've been busy. doing too many things that i agreed to do. because I'm a victim of over-commitment. is there a little blue pill for that? i haven't got much to say other than going up and down nearly-vertical steps a bunch of times every day is good for the glutes. i should take a shower. its not exactly a necessity right now, but it would be nice. i wanted to straighten my hair today. i guess i could just take a shower and keep my hair dry. but where's the fun in that?

Mad Girl's Love Song~Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

please please please let me get what i want

this song has been in my head for days. wonder why...


Good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man
turn bad

So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time

all i've got is your hand

i should be getting ready for school. i got up on time specifically for that reason. but i am not. i considered skipping my first class today. i still could. it doesn't start for another hour and ten. but it takes me half an hour to get there from here, and at least ten to get from the parking lot to the building i have to go to. and i might stop for coffee or something on the way. i have the strangest conversations with my dad. about drawing doors to other worlds. and asteroids being friends. and the doors. and german conjugation. and ass as a suffix to any word.

weird.

mom not so much. although sometimes it gets weird. mostly i just rant with her and she says "mhm mhm mhm" and nods like she understands what the fuck i'm talking about. i made this cd on a day when i was sad and didn't feel like not being sad. so its full of songs that make me sad and keep me there. they're the most played songs on my itunes. does that tell you anything about me?


If you walk away, I'll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold, steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
They argue, walk this way, no, walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed
As I'm leaving, she wakes up and says
"I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby, don't go away, come here"

And there's kids playing guns in the street
And one's pointing his tree branch at me
And so I put my hands up, I say, "Enough is enough
If you walk away, I'll walk away"

And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure from my landlocked blues
It would pass the way like a slow parade
It's leaving, but I don't know how soon

And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after twenty-two years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away

I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something, give it away"

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background from a televised war
And in that deafening pleasure, I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away, they walk away"

But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom's a joke, we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you're still free, start running away

Because we're coming for you!

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying, "Let me walk away, please"

You'll be free, child, once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Until then walk away, walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
I know I'm leaving, but I dont know where to

blargh

I hate Tuesdays. Yes, I realize it is now Wednesday. But I hate Tuesdays.

That is all.

thank god for thesaurus. com

my cat just came upstairs, yelled at me for about ten minutes, backed off when i tried to pet her, and then ran away. she wouldn't even come into the room i'm in. she just yelled at me from outside the door. wtf?

i had to write a poem imitating the style of robert lowell, who i don't particularly like. i was going to write it this morning but the first line popped into my head last night and i couldn't stop it. i don't know if its particularly lowell-y apart from it being a sort-of sonnet that doesn't rhyme. I wonder if my teacher would get mad if I wrote "sort of sonnet-y but doesn't really rhyme" in my explanation paper. haha. he lets us get away with a lot, but probably not that much.

i woke up at 8 this morning and i was really really hungry. but now i feel like i might puke if i eat anything. i think its allergies. fucking allergies. if this paper has to be more than a page, i'm fucked. its already totally half-assed. i don't really know what else to say about it, other than its really allusive to jesus and stuff. allusive is a word, right? i don't know. i guess i could look it up.

i'm incredibly upset that i can't find dublin mudslide anywhere. fossil fuel is close, but just not the same. :( those little chocolate dinosaurs are cute, but it still can't compare...

allergies, ahoy

thats a stupid title. this morning was a horrible disgusting experience i wish never to relive. but i won't share. i should be getting ready for class, reading those things i didn't read last night, brushing my hair, putting on my face, eating something...but i'm not. instead i'm on blogger. and burning a cd. and on facebook. and on myspace. and checking my email...no emails. i didn't think there would be. what professor in their right mind would send out an email after 2 am on a monday morning? none. but how many of them are in their right mind? exactly. they're all nuts. on friday Stenger was complaining about those stupid disney kids who get all the attention and how miley cyrus "makes [him] want to puke!!! bleechhh!". haha. the other day he was talking about countries who speak dutch (which is different from deutsch?) and he said "amsterdam" and "prostitutes" and a kid fell out of his chair. it was really hilarious. perfect timing. i have a production meeting tonight and i'm already not looking forward to it because its not until 530 but my classes end at 2:15, so i guess i could come home. i'm probably going to make myself late for history this morning. i really don't care.

i made macaroni and cheese last night. the good kind. the home made with swirly noodles kind.
back story:
earlier this week i really wanted some macaroni and cheese, and my mom had purchased "marcaroni and chreeze" weeks ago, so i decided to try it. it was a vegan cheese substitute kind of thing with whole wheat pasta and stuff. when it came time to add "milk product", i realized all i had was vanilla soy milk. so i used it. worst. idea. ever. so i wanted some real macaroni and cheese that didn't taste like fermented vanilla ass.

end story.